7 Jokes about Unfaithful Spouses

After all, relationships can be complicated, and while betrayal is no laughing matter, sometimes finding humor in the absurdities of life can help us cope. In this collection, we’ve gathered some of the most clever, ironic, and downright hilarious jokes about unfaithful spouses.

From tales of “cheating hearts” to clever twists on karma, these jokes remind us that even in the most serious situations, there’s often a funny side waiting to be uncovered. Of course, the humor here is all in good fun—meant to tickle the funny bone, not to make light of anyone’s real-life pain.

Statue of Limitations

There’s a lady who is cheating on her husband. One day, while they are making love she hears her husband pull into the driveway.

Her boyfriend says, “Oh no! What should we do?!”

She says, “Hurry! Get dressed and go to the living room!”

Once they’re in the living room she starts sprinkling baby powder all over him. He says, “What are you doing?”

She says, “I’m making you white like a statue. Just stand in a pose, my husband will never know you’re real, because he’s stupid!”

Her husband comes in and sees them and says to her, “What’s that?”

She answers, “Well, me and Mrs. Johnson next door went shopping today. She has one just like it. I liked hers so much that she took me to get one.”

He shrugs it off and goes about his business. That night the boyfriend is still standing in the living room still posed, too afraid to escape. He hears the husband wake up and open the bedroom door.

The husband walks past him, opens the fridge, pops open a beer and makes a bologna sandwich. He then walks up to the boyfriend and hands him the beer and sandwich and says, “Here, I was next door at Mrs.Johnson’s house stuck in that position for 2 days and no one gave me anything to eat.”

Half-Life Crisis

A woman’s husband was cheating on her… so, the woman and her husband got a divorce, and the woman went on with her life hating her ex-husband.

One day she found a beautiful lamp tossed in the streets… She picked it up and rubbed it a little bit. Suddenly, a genie popped out of the lamp!

The genie said, “I feel that you are divorced… so, I will grant you 3 wishes, but know that anything you ask for your ex-husband will get as well, only double!”

The woman thought about it, then replied, “I want to be rich!”

So, the woman became rich, and her ex-husband became twice as rich!

For her second wish, the woman said, “I want to be beautiful!”

So, the woman became beautiful, and her ex-husband became twice as beautiful.

“Okay”, the genie says, “This is your last wish, so be careful what you wish for.”

The woman thinks really hard, and finally comes to a decision… “I want you to scare me HALF to death!”

The Last Cruiseade

A woman cheats on her husband after years of happy marriage.

Realizing her mistake, she starts praying to God. “Lord, I know what I did was wrong, but my marriage is the only thing that gives my life purpose and joy. Please, don’t let my husband find out.”

Suddenly she hears a voice from above: “Okay my child, it will be, but on one condition: years from now, you will die by drowning.”

The woman hesitates at first but then responds, “Alright Lord, if it means he’ll never find out, then so be it.”

The next years of her life are happy and wonderful. She starts a successful business and lives in comfort with her husband, however she continues to cheat on him many times, having forgotten her conversation with God.

One day she decides to book herself a vacation on a cruise ship. A few days into the voyage, a loud BOOM rocks the cruise ship, and it starts to sink. Suddenly remembering her agreement with God, she is struck with grief and begins frantically praying to God again:

“God, you’re not gonna drown an entire cruise ship full of people because of me, right?”

She hears a familiar voice: “Are you kidding me? I’ve been working to gather all you cheaters here for years.”

Fore-Given

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said, “Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”

Martha replied, “Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons?'”

Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage.

Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”

Martha asked, “And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.”

“I recall that,” said Henry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”

“Alright,” Martha said. “So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?”

A Twist on the Rocks

A man walks into a bar looking downcast. The bartender notices and asks, “Why the long face?”

The man sighs, “I just found out my wife’s been seeing someone else. I’m so upset, I’m planning to drink my sorrows away. Could I get some whiskey?”

The bartender frowns and says, “I’m sorry to hear that, but I can’t serve you if you’re trying to harm yourself.”

The man asks, “What would you do if you were in my shoes?”

The bartender thinks for a moment and replies, “Well, if I found out someone was making moves on my spouse, I wouldn’t sit around feeling sorry for myself. I’d do something about it!”

The man’s eyes light up, “You’re right! Thanks for the advice!” He quickly leaves the bar.

A couple of hours later, the man walks back into the bar with a satisfied grin.

The bartender, now a bit anxious, asks, “So, did you handle the situation?”

The man smiles and says, “Yeah, I made love to your wife. Now, how about that whiskey?”

Wheels of Fortune

Cheating husband dies and makes it to the pearly gates.

St Peter looks at him and says “You were unfaithful to your wife 28 times. Don’t worry, you’ll be accepted in, only you won’t get a brand new car like those who were more loyal in their marriage”

Confused the man asks “I get a car though?”

St Peter replies “Of course. Everyone needs a car in heaven to get around. Only you’ll be receiving a beat up old Ford Pinto “

Meanwhile the man sees a couple of his old friends receiving their cars.

The first guy had one minor affair during a rough patch in his marriage and was given a nice Toyota Camry. The second guy is granted a brand new Lamborghini for never even thinking about another woman other than his wife.

All of a sudden, inside heaven, the man with the Ford Pinto starts crying. Concerned, his two friends check on him to ask him why he’s so sad.

He points to his wife who is riding around on a pair of roller skates.

Tall Tales in the Woods

A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting, “Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest.”

The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chair. The people in the cafe and the guy that told him are confused and ask what happened.

The man says, “That man was just exaggerating. Firstly, it was just a couple of trees he made it out like it was a forest, secondly, best friend he says?! It turns out I don’t even know the guy”.

Liked this list? Here are nine more jokes about unfaithful spouses!

This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.

The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.